when life gives you lemons...

find someone with tequila and have a margarita... or four.

i'm going to start with a back story before telling the recent happenings.

went to utah for an internship, met ne.  we liked each other, but were in different places in our lives.  so we didn't hook up, just always (always) had a crush on each other, always flirted with each other, the usual fun stuff.  i then started dating ut.  we had a nice thing going, i left to finish college, we stayed together.  i decided to pick up my life for some stupid reason and move to utah after college to be with ut.  (i had no other option for jobs so i took it.)  and when mr ne and i met up again, we started where we left off.  that crush we had, still existed, so we flirted.  a lot.  more than a lot.  and we had our fun, without making mistakes with mr ut. things were going well with ut until he decided to move in a different direction, and we had a bad break up.  and when things started getting rocky, i hooked up with ne. meaning that, yes, i did cheat on ut. and i fell in love with ne to make matters even worst.  then summer tore everyone apart because of the addition of summer stock.  so i left and moved to new york.  i was heart broken, the guy i loved was thousands of miles away.  and we started to loose touch.  we texted often, which turned into less often, and then even less. 

it's now been a year, we talk every couple of months.  he's been dreaming of getting out of utah ever since i left.  when i came back to new york this year, i stopped to see ut, there's a blog about it that goes into details, go read it.  and after our lovely break up (note the sarcasm), we picked up on a good spot and became friends again.  he is wanting to know when i'll be going back thru.  ok, maybe we picked up on a really good spot.  maybe it was the beer that helped.  whatever. 

mr ne texted me for the first time in a couple of months last night.  part of me deep down still loves him, probably always will.  he was my first love.  it happens.  and i miss him, i miss hanging out with him, playing beer pong, watching the horrible movies that he picks out, just having a good time.  and now he's looking at moving to austin with me.  i was painting a pretty picture in my head of a possible future with tx.  it's probably a pipe dream, but it's sometimes good to dream.  even though i'm probably setting myself up for failure.  now i might be given this chance to catch back up with ne.  third time's a charm right?  but i might have something good starting with tx.  i wan to know what each path has to offer.

i am growing up, i am ready to settle down, be close to family, blah blah blah.  and i might have to option to do it with the guy i love(d).  or i can do it with the new guy who i have to potential to fall in love with.  life seemed so easy until last night.  i know i'm making a big deal out of something that probably won't happen.  it's sometimes nice to dream though.  right?