broken mirror, a letter to a friend

something i wrote to someone who i will never give it to:

why do i care?  why am i nice?  why do i put myself through hell to make you feel better?  why am i blaming myself for something that you did?  and again i ask, why do i care? 

i'm so sick and tired of trying to make you happy.  it's an impossible task and causes nothing but pain for me.  yeah, so, you're hurting, i've been there, which is why i tried to help in the first place.  but you can't be debbie downer for always and forever.  you can't mask your problems.  and alcohol will not make them disappear. 

i made a mistake by giving you the option to come out here.  but you made the first mistake by contacting me after months of silence.  why are you running?  what are you really running from?  you need to just deal with your problems head on so that you will quit moping around and quit being the town drunk.

if you want help, someone to listen, someone who won't judge you, i'm here.  just let it all out.  but i'm trying to fix something that you won't let come out.  until you open up, i'm out.  i can't deal with this.  grow up.  face your demons.  and let me be a friend, if nothing else.  don't shut out the only friend you have here.  you'll have nothing left and that will not help your problems.

i'm here for you when you are ready to open up.  i'm here for you as i always have been and always will be.  i'm here for you when you're never there for me.  i'm here for whatever you need.  i'm here for you when i know i shouldn't be.  through it all, i'm here for you.