in four days i leave. i am ready. i will miss my friends here but i need to leave. ne causes nothing but pain and trouble any time we're around each other. and i need him out of my life. even though i care about him deep down and i always will. but i need his unhealthy atmosphere away from me. i know i will never see him again and it makes me sad but i need him out of my life again. i'm more sane, i'm more level headed, i'm safe. with him i get into trouble, i cause pain to myself, him, and everyone important in my life. there's just too much emotional damage done and it's not yet over. in four days i get to leave, drive to see ut to have my fun there. that will cause more problems, but i can keep them from happening. so long as i'm not an emotion wreck from saying goodbye to ne. the light at the end of my tunnel is austin. i cannot wait to see him again. to be happy, to be with him, to have a normal relationship.
i have three days left of shows, four shows to run, and a half of a day of putting gear in storage. four shows and i might not do theatre again for a long while. i should cherish these last four shows in the next three days. however the people at this theatre annoy me so. making me excited to leave in four days. it's a scale, when i'm away from the theatre i'm sad that i have four shows left. when i'm there, i'm ready to run as fast as i can from here. four shows. then no more theatre. four days then i'm away from the people who have driven me almost to an insane asylum. i leave on monday. four shows in three days, leave in four days.
bitter. sweet.
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